The Break Up

This post was submitted in by locust08. 

Many of us have been in and out of relationships. So, we all know that breaking up with our partner is probably the most  heart wrenching story ever. Not to mention that we also get jealous when we see many other marriages that consists of first love. Why? Well, that’s because life is like a fairy tale. We always wish that our spouse will be our first love. Then, sometimes we also lose faith in love or feel that we may have lost our chance and didn’t seize it then. Whatever the case may be, for many of us there is that lingering feeling that remains left. This is my story about my first love and first breakup. An unforgettable story of my life.

I remember meeting him at a friend’s party. I was just hanging out by when all the guys gathered together and started playing football. Some of the girls were still helping out setting up the baby shower, but my friend Cathy and I have already finished our job so we were just sitting and watching the guys. Then one of the guy came to us and ask if he can sit with us. My friend being her outgoing self agreed and started to talk to him. It was the usual talk, except that she would always people when their birthday was. So, after good talk she had to go run some errands for her mom and I was left the guy alone. It was a very awkward moment since we didn’t know where to begin talking. Then out of the blue, he asked which grade I was going to enter soon, so I told him 8th grade. He said that it was nice because he’ll be freshmen soon in high school. So, then we started to make connections by talking about subjects that we like and dislike. We also talk about some of our hobbies and even our parents. Later that day, when the party came to an end he asked for my contact information and of course I gave it to the guy. A few days later he contacted me, and we met up a few times. So, we started to date.

He was my first my boyfriend ever, and I even hid it from my parents. Since I knew that they weren’t going to like it and would rather have me focused on my education instead. The same was for his parents, but I wasn’t his first girlfriend since my older male cousin told me that he already dated before, but I didn’t mind that. We continued to date for about 3-4 years, basically at the end of my junior year and his senior year. However, even before then it was hard to meet up all the time due to work and school. So, each time we made plans it never work out accordingly and we would almost always have to reschedule our dates. So, we were beginning to feel distance from each other. Plus, I kind of realize that I didn’t have the same feeling for him. Well, at least that’s what I thought.

Not only did I began to feel the distance, but at the same time one of my cousin was in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend. He was crazy obsessive about her whereabouts all time. Eventually, while we were in the earlier stages of dating I also figure that my cousin and boyfriend went to the same school. So, they’re best friends. So, how does she comes into play? Well, most of you may think or say that she is a third wheel, but actually she’s not. They were close friends. Whenever she has problems, he would helped her out in a brotherly way. And of course she knew that we were dating because we went on a few double dates, although, I never liked her boyfriend and  never will.

I don’t know what I was thinking, but one day towards the end of the year. We met up at Star Bucks and I finally told “Let’s break up.” I will never forget the look on his face, he was so sad when I told him that. He also looked lost as to wondering why, how and what he did wrong. Truth is, he never did anything wrong. I just feel like we have nothing more in our connection, after four years of dating I feel like it wasn’t going anywhere. Plus, he was ready to go off to college and I don’t have the confidence in long distance relationship. While we were on our way back, to drop me off at my cousin’s place, we stopped at park and just sit in the car. Finally, he asked me “Can we not break up and just give it a second try? I really really like you.” However, I told him “Honestly, when I see you and my cousin together I can kind of tell that in some way you also kind of like her and vice versa.” He told me he only liked her as friend and I believe him. I mean I was with him for four years and we never had such problems, we may have  a few disagreements here and there but we got over it quickly. At the end, we finally came to good terms and went our separate ways.

Two and a half years later, I was a freshmen and he was sophomore in college. He finally ask my cousin out (the one in the abusive relationship), after her boyfriend went to jail. I  met him again at some family parties, but never once did my parents, her parents, or his parents knew that we once dated. It was good thing that six years ago we kept our relationship a secret, because in the Hmong Culture they would have thought my cousin was some hungry man grabber. Some of my cousins and friends that knew we were dating couldn’t believe the way we ended. Neither could I. One of my closest older cousin told me that I probably still feelings for him deep down, but since I was so close to my cousin and couldn’t bear to watch her being mistreated I decided to let him go to her.  That night I went home and thought a lot about what my older cousin said to me.

One day I was at the mall with some friends and saw him with his friends. He was out to get a gift for my cousin’s birthday and asked if I could help him out. So, I did. The unexpected thing, just like in these many Asian dramas that I have watched in the past, he asked me “If I never asked your cousin out, and decided to walk to you would you have said yes?” I couldn’t even looked him in the eyes at all and lied that my friends are calling for me by pretending to feel my phone vibrate in my purse. So, I walked away telling him it was nice to see him.  Some nights, I think about what my older cousin told me and what he asked me. The answer is yes, I would say yes to him once again.

I after I broke up with him, I have been in and out of relationships. However, I realize that out of all these relationships I’ve been in, my first one was the most unforgettable and the longest one. In fact, he may have been the only one that I really really really like. Sometimes I wonder if I would have hold on to him tighter then would I be in a happy relationship. Sometimes, when I see my cousin being happy because she’s with him, I can’t help but to feel jealous. Even though I told her, “No hard feelings because we’re sisters” I find myself living in an Asian drama looking and yearning for love just like my first love.

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