I have had many of my guy friends told me “If I wasn’t dating so and so, I would have date you.” I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not. Not only have I had my guy friends told me that but even my girl friends, “If I were a guy I would date you.” That I take as a compliment because it just makes me feel happy and I like to be happy. Who doesn’t want to be happy? Though, I know that if they were really guys then they wouldn’t want to date me.
I’m just one of those girls no one wants to date. For the longest time I have had many friends trying to hook me up on double dates and what not. Those double dates didn’t turn out so well because at the end of the night I’m just like the girl who lives right next door. There isn’t anything “WOW” about me. I have friends that try to get me to dress differently to just get a boyfriend. But honestly, my fashion has changed over the years. It’s like a yo-yo effect.
I went from not caring to how I look to fixing my hair, wearing make up, nice dressy clothes to show that curve (and little bit of stomach rolls), to heels that makes me appear nicer and taller, and back to nice comfy clothes and natural bare face.
When I do dress nicely I get lots of compliment despite my big frame and sometimes at these Hmong gatherings a few boys would approach and talk to me. However, at the end of the day they leave with either one of my cousin or friends’ number. In which, doesn’t hurt me.
Like many of my older cousins told me “You have such a strong personality for a young Hmong woman.” I agreed with them. I do slack in femininity and was raised as a tom boy, so I do have a rough personality. And not all that into those lovey dovey things you see in dramas.
Here is what hurt me the most. I have some Asian friends saying that I’m considered a “side road flower” or “left over women” in their culture. When some of my friends and colleague tells me “You don’t understand because you never been in a relationship before.” Well then why did you come to me asking for my advice. Moreover, love just doesn’t exist between you and your significant others. It comes in all different forms and ways, relationships are build in different ways and forms as well. Including “even if you get a good education and all your man will only be probably dating/marrying you for financial purposes.”And finally, when someone tells me “We need to find you a boyfriend.” I understand this “you’re only complete when you find your soul mate” saying, but really do we all have to believe in that saying?
I get it that it is supposed to be romantic and all, but even when you find your soul mate life doesn’t stop there and you’re probably not even close to being complete. I understand that we need someone in our life to listen to our problems, share our burdens, and just a shoulder to cry on but does it really have to be a boy friend or girlfriend? Can it not be a temporary roommate, sister, brother, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, or best friend? Or even our pet cat and dog? And seriously about that financial purposes statement, I’m gonna be debt for years due to school. College is expensive especially when you unanimously decided to attend a private college. And plan to go onto graduate or medical school.
I get it that I’m a girl no one wants to date, but calling me side road flower or leftover women and telling me I need to get a boyfriend doesn’t make you any better than me. It doesn’t make you any more complete than me. I’m a girl no one wants to date, but I’ll admit it I’m actually proud to be one because I have good friends and family who support me for who I am and who will always love me. And they are always here to listen to my problems and share my burden no matter how far away or how old I get. And like my grandma always say “You’ll never know when your soulmate come to you.”