Life is an endless loop of circle. Or better yet an endless infinity sign. Every single time I think I’m done running a marathon, I find myself not at the finish line, but another beginning line. And every single time I tell myself it’s okay to not know where I’m headed. It’s okay to be lost for a while. It’s okay because everything is going to be alright. Eventually, I’ll end up at another beginning line soon enough.
My roommate, whom I’m not so closed with, asked me one day how I do it. “Do what,” I asked her.
“How do you stay positive at everything that’s been thrown at you,” she replied.
For moment I see all these memories of me struggling flash before my own eyes, just like in those dramatic movie scenes that a character would experience before dying. And I told her, “I just go with the flow.” Our conversation ended there for the night and it was never picked up on another night. Of course, we have conversation from time to time, but we just never picked up that one conversation.
There have been times when I silently cried, times when I’m upset at myself and angry at myself for choices that I have made knowing the consequences. Times when I wished I can cast a spell magic and turned back time. However, I can’t waste time right now thinking about the times I want to go back and change. So, instead I move on. And when I begin to think about those times or say anything like “I wish I can turn back time” I think about all the wonderful things that had happened. And I think about all the time that I had to let myself mature and reevaluate myself and my goals all over again. To think about the person that can I become and not change into some person that I can become but not the true me.
These endless marathons and races that I keep reaching after one another, sure I’m tired of them. Because just when I think I’m done, I have something else to worry and be occupied about. However, it is these endless beginnings that makes me who I am and bring me to the people I know and cherish today. These endless beginnings are just here to make me stronger, smarter and build me into who I will become.
In the end everything will be alright, everything will slowly start to come together piece by piece. You cannot rush a master art piece, it comes with patience and time. Everything is alright.