Anon 4014 sent in the following:
Over the summer I found out that my ex passed away in a car accident on his way returning to home. I don’t exactly know the real story of the accident, but all I know from friends and his family is that he went to visit his wife and the accident happened the morning when he was coming back home. Long story short, they lived apart due to their jobs and take turns driving to each other places. We dated back in high school, he broke up with me and later I found out he was dating her. I wasn’t completely over him yet, but I also went on to date a few other guys. When we broke up, I didn’t want him to be happy, better yet I wanted him to be miserable just like me. I didn’t like seeing him being happy with someone else, while I was still not over. So, when I found out that they were getting married, I wasn’t happy. I was upset because he never once experienced the pain I went through. However, their marriage didn’t last that long only three months.
After I learned about the incident, I felt horrible because I finally begin to feel that I should have been happy for him instead of wishing for the worse. I feel like everything is my fault. And now I feel like I need to meet with his wife, or widow, just because I need closure, after four years since our break up, something I never received from our relationship. However, I don’t know about the idea of suddenly popping up and meeting his widow. I haven’t told anyone, no one because I don’t know what to say and my parents didn’t even know that he was boyfriend then. Should I give it a try or no?
I’m sorry for your lost and I’m sure that you’re going through some complicated times. I cannot answer that question for you, you will have to answer it for yourself. And you’re right about just suddenly popping up to talk to his widow. It could be a good thing or a wrong thing. If things turns out perfectly like how you plan it, it’s good and if not, well we can all only hope for the best. Your best option is to seek advice from your family and friends. They’re the best support you have right now.
And let this be a lesson for you to learn about another form of love. Sometimes we should be happy for the other party no matter how wrong he/she did to us. We cannot always hold onto the hate because that leads to regretting decisions, just like yours, for all we know what only happened in the past and today. When you begin to accept someone else’s happiness instead of fighting it, you find yours to be a hundred more times happier. I wish you all the best.