I wish I can say I am one of those few millenials that don’t use a dating app, but I have a Tinder account. And it’s just there on my phone just so I can do some major left swiping when in bored. A few days ago, I was with my friend, whom I’m going identity her as Cat. While I was with her, I learned that she stole some of my photos off of Facebook and Instagram to create online dating profiles.
Cat and I have been friends for seven years, we mwere both shy and socially awkward people. That’s how we became friends and I also became friends with some of Cat’s close cousins. We met up yesterday at her place to cook and watch a movie. While she left to go use the bathroom, her phone got a notification and I saw the screen. It said something along the lines of “Hey Mai check out your Bumble que” and “check out these new bagels.” Seeing my name, well part of my name, on her phone got me curious.
So, I unlock her phone and decided to check it out. And yes I know her security code, because she often makes me check her text or send text messages on her behalf if she’s driving. Much to my surprise I saw that she was imposing as me!
When she came out I confronted her. I asked her why, her response “I wasn’t confident in my looks and personality. I tried using my pictures and putting my information in but I wasn’t getting matched with anyone.” I was beyond furious to hear her excuse as to why she decided to impose as me.
Then she told me about how she had tried to talk to some guys, but no one responded. And of course, one of the guys decided to unmatch her! I was so upset that I just deactivated all the accounts she created using my information before giving her phone back. The sites or apps she used were: Bumble, Wooplus, and Coffee Meets Bagel.
To top it off, she never once apologized to me. I even told her “Cat you didn’t need to pretend to be me. You’re way more beautiful than me you just needed time and patience for these online dating. And why of all people would you go after me? I’m ugly, fat, and overweight. I’m not even half as attractive as you are.”
Her response to me “well, because I know you’d never use those apps.” I look at her straight in the eyes and told her I was leaving. We’re done being friends. The lunch and the movie never happened. Extremely upset and frustrated, I ordered two cheeseburgers from McDonald’s, sat in my car to eat it and bawled my eyes out.
The whole entire time while I was driving back home, I kept thinking to myself “oh my gosh what if some of these guys actually live only a few miles away?” Maybe he’s even in the next city over towards the west or east? What if I see them at work?!
Out of everything that has been said and done that day between Cat and I, there was something I regretted saying. Depreciating my body, appearance, and my character in front of her was the lowest act I ever did. Never once in my life have I ever compared myself to any of my friends. That is because I know that I have friends who are way more attractive than me. Friends who are very outgoing, cute, and bubbly. However, I know that my friends also have their own insecurities so body shaming is just a big no.
Additionally, to learned that Cat’s other friends and a few cousins actually encouraged her upsets me even more. Then to have them stand up for Cat, telling me I was too harsh and I should cool down to think things thoroughly is a big red flag.
Then I had this sudden thought, what if one day I do want to try online dating. What now? What Then? I’m just hoping and crossing my fingers that these people don’t even bother to look closely while swiping left and right.
I still feel very frustrated about this whole situation because there is just a lot going on in my life and family right now. I need friends to support me, not be against me. Clearly, people like this are not worthy to be call my friends and be part of my life or in anybody else’s life.