Letters not Send, #1

Dear Mao,

Once a upon a time we were friends. I remember the first day you moved and started school with us. You had no one. No one wanted to be your friends, but since I already knew you when you moved I became your friend and soon you joined our group of friends. Forever friends we were, or at least we thought. For moment, I just thought of how short our friendship lasted, barely made it through middle school. Actually, it didn’t even made it through middle school.

I thought amongst to myself that even though, other girls of our group of friends didn’t like me any longer and couldn’t accept me for who I am. I thought at least I had you. I thought you had my back like how I always had yours. I was wrong. For the longest time I hated you. I hated you because you turned your back against me when I did nothing wrong against you. I hated you because you left me without ever thinking if you hurt my feelings. I hated you because you hated me for no reasons but to just hate me like almost every other girls that hated me.

For a long time I questioned myself why and what I did wrong. But I couldn’t find no other answer other than I chose the wrong friends. I wanted to be like, I wanted to fit in but I couldn’t.

Since then I ignored you. Even when I see you I on the road or in the store I make a detour. And I know it sounds childish, but that was how much I hated you. I didn’t, no, I couldn’t stand the sight of your face. I wanted you to know, to feel the same pain I felt. And everyday I cursed that one day you will face the same day. But I know that you won’t go through the same I went through.

Years went by and I just accept the fact of everything that happened. Accepting it as my karma from past misdeeds or even living a damn horrible past life. And I don’t even believe in past lives. But, I forgive you and myself.

While you’re starting the next chapter of your life, I’m also rewriting my life. And, still I can’t face you yet because it’s awkward, but I do hope that one day we’ll just be able to sit and talk face to face. And let bygones be bygones.

And though, I can’t bring myself to tell you. I’m happy for you and your accomplishments. I’m proud of the woman you became. I only wish the best for your future endeavors.

You will never see this letter because you will never receive it. I can only hope that one day you accidentally discover my blog and find this letter. If not, it’s okay because I don’t wish for much but that you are happy.

Sincerely,
MaiMai

Satisfying Moments

 

Life is full of many surprises. Above all, it’s full with many simple pleasures. Some that I take for granted, some that I don’t appreciate enough. And finally, some that just happens to happened. Today, I’m going to share a few the notes I made over the last few years in my “Positive Thoughts/Memories” book.

  1. It’s not about the food you eat, but the people you share the food with.
  2. That moment when you find extra money you hid away.
  3. When you and your friend unanimously sing together to the song playing on the radio.
  4. Laughing so hard over nothing, but just because you wanted too and needed a good laugh.
  5. Going on a road trip without a destination with your friends just because you all aren’t really going anywhere but needed to escape for moment.
  6. When your friend is too busy reading a text/texting and almost walk into the opposite gender’s restroom.
  7. Realizing that you and your friends are lost, but just happy to be together.
  8. Laughing at your friend when they trip then asking them if they’re okay. Of course it’s payback because they did the same to you.
  9. Waking up late to day that you have nothing plan for.
  10. Receiving a letter/card in the mail.
  11. The morning when your dog decides not to bark at 6 am and lets you sleep in.
  12. The morning/night when you can just reheat leftovers for a meal because cooking is too much work and so is driving.
  13. Having a marathon watching your favorite shows miraculously without any interruption.
  14. Just listening to the soothing and calming raindrops putting you to sleep at the right moment.
  15. Teaching your younger sibling to drive, only at the end you’re the one to get the car out of the ditch and left with mini consecutive heart attacks.
  16. When your dog just cuddle with you on the bed after a long tiring day.
  17. Turning the TV right on time for your favorite show when you forgot about it.
  18. Waking up to find written sticky notes from your younger siblings asking you to open a jar of pickles because they couldn’t and they didn’t want to wake you up at 5:30 am.
  19. Having a drawing competition with your siblings and you’re the only goofing around while they’re all taking it semi-seriously.
  20. That cluster of students that brings down the class average on a test and the professor gives everyone a curve.

These are some life’s simple pleasures  that encompasses mine, my family, and friends’ lives. I can go on and on because I have an extensive list, but I’m not. Maybe another time. Remember life is about appreciating the big things and the small things.

My Fear of Baby Chicks

We all have phobias and sometimes our phobias are hilarious in other people’s eyes. Our misery is their joy although it annoys the hell out of me. I have many phobias that you may think is funny and even I think it’s funny myself. In case you’re wondering here is a list of my phobia:

  • Chicks
  • cats
  • dogs (large, huge, and the ones that always barks and chase strangers)
  • Rats
  • Mouse

Continue reading “My Fear of Baby Chicks”

Becoming Closer to the Family Dog

For the longest time I never like dogs and cats. And still I’m not very fond of them, especially cats. There are reasons why I don’t like cats and dogs. When I was little I was chased and almost bitten by my dad’s own dog. Like seriously, every time the dog got loose, I would always be wary of it and next minute I know it’s like chasing me crazily everywhere. I don’t know if dogs find me to be an easy person to mess around, but my actions probably says it all to them, huh? And the only reason why I don’t like cat that much is because they shed too much and during my childhood again, my cousin’s cat ate my bunny!

So, for the longest time I avoided them and I don’t see cats around that much so I don’t care. Plus, cats aren’t interested in me anyway. Anyway where I go if I see a dog, I would walk the on the opposite side making sure the dog won’t get near me at all. And if my friends have dogs I barely go over to their house or they would make sure that their dogs are someplace else so that I’d feel comfortable. Of course, I feel really bad for my friends, but it’s not like you can make me become close to a dog in one day. And no I don’t cry if the dog do really come close to me, but I do begin to panic and my heart beats increases that I’m pretty sure the person standing beside of me can hear it as well.  Continue reading “Becoming Closer to the Family Dog”