Anon4012 sent in:
My younger sister is dating a man who is twice her age. I have met the man a few times before, but never really bother to talk to him much. My mom, grandparents, and a few other family members like him very much. However, I’m not fond of him. First, I don’t think I can think of my as my brother-in-law. He’s only a few years younger than my mom. He can pass by as my uncle. Moreover, he’s a divorcee with two kids from his previous marriage. And my sister knows that I don’t like him, but she wants me to like him. So, she keeps asking me to hang out with them and their friends which I’m not too comfortable with. Finally, I feel like we are growing apart. And I don’t want a man to come between us. What do I tell her so that she can understand me? It’s not like I never tried to have a conversation with her regarding him.
I can totally understand from your point of view as I have two younger sisters myself. From the looks of it it sounds like you and your sister probably have similar conversations before but none of it turns out too go well. All I can say is that you just need to tell her to stop inviting you out since it makes you uncomfortable. As sisters, you should not let a man come between you two, the same goes for her. If she already knows that you’re uncomfortable with the age gap and the divorce, then don’t often remind her about it. I’m sure she knows that with time you will slowly, but hopefully and surely accept him.
One of my other advice is that if there is any personal words/secrets that you have not yet told her, for example, you’re afraid that you’re slowly losing her (I know I am with my younger siblings) then you should let her know. Or if you don’t like the idea of her always being around him, talking about him 24/7, and always meeting him then let her know. This will tell her that you still want to hangout with her, but you don’t want to hear her talk about him all the time and you just want time for some sisterly moments.
It’s okay to be jealous of them, it’s natural for an older sibling to be quite possessive of a younger sibling. You’re not actually jealous jealous of your younger sibling, but it’s that mother/father instinct in you that you’re afraid she’s going to get hurt by the man she loves so much. In that case, you should let her know with the right words.
Don’t tell her that he don’t deserve her because he is old, has wrinkles and is a divorcee. That’ll only hurt her. Instead you should reassure her. Tell her that even though you may not like the man, you’re not against them dating and even though you don’t like the sound of marriage you’re not going to be against them (especially when everyone else in the family seems to be getting along with him and they may just approve of the marriage). Reassure her that one day if she gets hurt by him you’ll be there for her and she can always come back to you. Reassure her that if she does end up with a “happily ever after” ending then you’ll be happy for you as well.
This not only will help reconnect the sister bond between the two of you, but it also lets her know that you’re on her side and you always have been. You may not show any fondness to the man she likes or adore him like your other family members, but it’ll let her know your true feelings.